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Post by Adonis Matthews on Oct 28, 2010 16:01:25 GMT -5
"Most people have their roommates already. I don't want them to be inconvenienced. and they probably wouldn't be able to handle all of my quirks.... not many people understand why I go after sex and the like so often. It's nothing to do with them really.... it's just....what I've done to adapt...." He looked up at her after a pause, still sort of numb feeling, though being out in the chill for as long as he had been without a decent coat. Yeah, he had his track jacket on, to conceal the bandages, but at the same time it wasn't that thin.
"And Ian's been trying to impress you.... to make you want him again.... He wants you to be happy with him. To know he's not an ass...." Adonis sighed, dropping his gaze again. He wanted Ian to be happy, but he didn't want to be forgotten about either. He wanted to have someone constantly around him, constantly snuggled up to him and being reassuring, but at the same time, he wanted them all to be happy, wanted them all to be comfortable, even if that meant being away from him. It was conflicting.
".....What does everyone want from me Asher.... I keep fucking everything up.... I want them all to be happy.... But I can't do it...." A sigh escaped his lips, before he licked them, tongue darting over the chapped skin. This sucked majorly. He wanted everything to be fixed.
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Post by Asher LeBeau on Oct 28, 2010 16:14:52 GMT -5
Asher sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets, watching him momentarily before shrugging off her sweatshirt and wrapping it around him, leaving her in a faded t-shirt. Chewing her lip, she smiled and gave him a reassuring look.
"What we want from is you is for you to be happy and for you to realize your potential. And right now, Nis, we all care about you and will do what we can to make you happy. Personally, I want you to do what makes you happy and makes you feel the most alive," she said firmly.
Sighing when he brought up Ian again, she shook her head, shoving her hands in her pockets once more. "Ian is an ass, has always been an ass, and will always be an ass. Quite frankly, I don't think he wants the family with me or anyone at this point. He wants to be in love with someone, but the person who is right for him isn't me, it's you." [/color][/size][/font] |
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Post by Adonis Matthews on Oct 28, 2010 19:25:51 GMT -5
Adonis opened his mouth to protest at the sweatshirt being draped over his shoulders, but decided that it wasn't going to work, so he just tugged the fabric around him more, enjoying the extra warmth. it smelled good too. But then again, someone like Asher always smelt good. It was just the way she was. Though, he had to admit, most girls did smell good. Before they got to that old lady age where they were all mothball and denture cream smelling.
"I'm usually better at being happy. But....I don't know what's wrong with me now.... I was fine..... and then things just.... changed..... " He looked up at her, honest, yet at the same time still obviously off from his normal exuberance. "And if he doesn't want to be with you and your guys' kid, then why is he practically bending over backwards to try and make you happy? He's been trying to prove so many different things to you, and focusing on you and your son, and it's......" He trailed off unable to find the right words to make him not sound selfish, but try to explain why he found this so important that she understood.
He knew what the feeling was, he was jealous. Jealous that Ian was doing all of this for Asher, but she wasn't understanding that he meant it. Why would he be doing it if he didn't mean it? Why couldn't she understand it? Why did it bother him so much though? Maybe it was because he had thought that he wouldn't be put aside for her. Maybe it was because he had honestly believed that those two were through up until he saw them together again.
He didn't care that he had to share Ian. It wasn't that at all. He just.... wanted to know where he stood. Where he laid on the priority list. All of the uncertainty was turning him into a mess. It was frustrating, aggravating and it hurt. Because he didn't want to be an idiot and cling to someone who didn't want him around all of the time. But at the same time he didn't want to be shoved aside without a fight. Even though he knew that a request for him to step down, accompanied by a 'please' and a foreign phrase would suck all of the fight right out of him.
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Post by Asher LeBeau on Oct 28, 2010 19:37:56 GMT -5
Ash sighed, instead hugging herself slightly before leaning on the stall wall, watching Nis quietly. She could tell he was frustrated with her, hell most people were too. But the problem was that all of this was too little, too late. Ian had been fooling around for a while, even when he suspected he had a son.
That was what made Asher turn away. Now, only after he had asked her to think about them and possibly taking him back, did he change his behavior. Tugging her hair out of the braid it was in, she slid down to sit in the dirt near Nis and watched him quietly. "Nis, what he's doing now...it's only because he knows he has a son. It's not for me, it's for some ideal that he was raised to want," she said, a bit unsure why Nis was not understanding it.
"Quite frankly, the only real attachment we have is we were friends, two unusual people surrounded by normal people and we ended up stuck together. And I am the only girl he's slept with," she said, sighing and staring ahead of her, keeping him in her peripheral vision.
Looking at him with a sparkling amethyst gaze, she exhaled slowly as she thought the words over in her head before speaking them. "Nis...what is it that bugs you the most?" [/color][/size][/font] |
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Post by Adonis Matthews on Oct 28, 2010 21:57:43 GMT -5
"You'll think it was stupid and childish if I told you, because it is. It's very stupid. And I don't know why I'm bothered. I don't know why it's affecting me this much. I know I should be able to suck it up and get on with my life." Adonis paused here, taking a deep breath and settling himself and his thoughts. Pulling them all into order. "I just want to know where I stand. I want to know whether I can keep expecting things to suddenly flip themselves around. To know whether or not I can expect to be tossed aside when some other old flame comes back into the picture, or a prettier boy or girl or....or something!" He clenched his fists in frustration as his voice rose, both at himself and the situation. It was frustrating and painful and he didn't like behaving this way. He was supposed to be the smiling one, the one that always had some sort of smart assed, flirtatious, innuendo laden remark. Not the one agonizing over a relationship that he shouldn't want in the first place.
"I don't care that he wants you too... Or anyone else.... I just want to know whether or not I'm going to be tossed aside because I'm not good enough anymore... Even if you don't want him back... He's been acting like he's willing to throw everything else into a box and stuff it in the attic or basement to be forgotten about for decades.... just for you.... I'm used to people not wanting me for long.... but they've always made it clear when they were moving on... I hate the uncertainty....." His voice had dropped now, fists unclenched as he huddled up more on the shelf. He didn't want to unload like this, but once he had started speaking it just all started pouring out.
"Sorry...." It was a quiet murmur, voice barely audible even in the echo prone room.
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Post by Asher LeBeau on Oct 29, 2010 10:54:54 GMT -5
Asher sighed again, for what seemed like the umpteenth time before shifting to move and pull Nis to her in a comforting hug, practically pulling the boy off the shelf and into her lap. Hey, she had a four year old, so yanking Nis out wasn't a problem since he wasn't holding on.
Sitting back on the ground, she smiled faintly, shaking her head before running her fingers through his hair. "It's not stupid, Nis. Everyone deserves to know and Ian is being a whiny little bitch about this whole thing. I'm half tempted to string him up just for hurting you," she said, making a mental note to actually go beat the living shit out of the gypsy later. Shaking her head, she kissed the top of his head, mostly the way a mother would to her own child.
"Ian, as I have said before, is a flat out pain in the ass. If you don't ask him directly and force him to make a decision, he will never make a decision and want to keep everyone and make them happy. What you need to do, Nis, even though it's going to be painful, is talk to him and tell him without any bullshit how you feel and what you want from him. You deserve to be treated with respect and quite frankly, I'm sick of Ian's attitude," she said, voice hard when talking about her former? best friend. She was beyond pissed with Ian right now, her anger only visible in the fine tremor of her fingers and the flash in amethyst eyes.
"If you need me to, I will go with you in the event he switches languages, but if he goes to that damned gibberish his family speaks, I'm afraid even I can't help you there," she said softly, resisting the urge to hug Nis to her too tightly. [/color][/size][/font] |
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Post by Adonis Matthews on Oct 29, 2010 15:19:12 GMT -5
"Don't hurt him please!" It was a frantic request, only made worse by his startling change of position and placement. "No matter what he's done to me.... no matter how badly it hurts..... Don't hurt him.... It won't make anything right.... it won't stop anyone from being hurt, won't help them forget. So please.... promise me you won't hurt him.... That just makes me feel worse....."
It was obvious now. He was undeniably smitten. No.... more than smitten. He loved Ian. He just didn't know what to do with that. It was pretty sad really. The guy that professed to never fall in love, had. He was an idiot. A first class, grade A idiot. "I just want him to tell me who comes first in his priorities. You and Nico or me. It doesn't matter who he picks.... I can handle him loving both of us, wanting both of us, I don't have a problem with that.... I just.... want to know what the scale looks like...." Saying it confused him, but at the same time he thought it needed to be said.
"I don't want to try and force anything out of him either.... I don't want him to blame himself for what happened to me.... what I did to myself.... It's not his fault...." Adonis knew that he'd argue that point even if faced with evidence that he was wrong. But he needed to be right. It was one of those things that he just needed. Even though he too was shaking, a very fine tremble that quavered through his limbs, he needed to fight any sort of blame that was being put on Ian. He wanted to cry at all of this, but he didn't want Asher to make Ian feel worse. Because even if she didn't hit him, she'd be likely to guilt at him. He had heard that mothers were great at that.
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Post by Asher LeBeau on Nov 1, 2010 14:32:15 GMT -5
(I'm Not A Princess) (This ain't a fairytale) Asher resisted the urge to slam her head into a wall, but barely. She knew how Nis was feeling, much the same Blake felt but Nis felt it more acutely. Nis needed love because he’d been exposed to it. The tiny girl didn’t even being to comprehend the concept of love and affection as well as that for some people, it was permanent and here to stay. Nis, Nis was different. He knew that it was out there and he’d had a taste of it and craved more. Ash and Nis came from totally different points of view about Ian.
She really didn’t want to have much more to do with Ian and she was tired of it, the constant going back and forth and all she could to was try to make Nis happy. She treated Nis as almost like her son, but not quite that way. The boy was old enough to be her younger brother, after all.
“Fine, I won’t go after him, but I will give him a lecture. It’s not fair to either of us the shit he’s doing, and you know it,” she said, hugging him again, ignoring the fact she was probably shoving his face into her boobs. Hell, she really didn’t care at the moment, all she wanted to do was see if she could make Nis and Ian happy together.
“You deserve to be treated better than what he’s doing now, Nis,” she said, kissing the top of his head.
[/size] [/color] Baw. Outfit;; Clothes Music;; Nada Tag;; Nis~ Credit;; made by lelegirllele of CAUTION TO THE WIND[/ul] |
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Post by Adonis Matthews on Nov 1, 2010 19:54:05 GMT -5
Adonis was very easily entered into abusive relationships. He had never fully been able to grasp the concept of love. He knew the fairytale part of it. Where people were supposedly caught up in feelings that made them seemingly float on air. He did grasp the physical side of it though. Unlike a normally functioning human being however, he equated good sex to love. Not good as in skilled, but good as in kind. If the person was sweet enough in bed, it didn't matter how they treated him outside of it usually. So long as the apologies and promises were filled with copious amounts of copulation. It was rather twisted. In it's own way.
His first experience with that had been at fourteen. When he had woken up, hungover and naked in a foreign bed, given praise for the first time for something other than soccer, from someone other than a soccer player. Even if he, at that moment, had had no idea what the hell went on or why he was so sore.
As of right now though, Adonis had no clue why Asher was being so nice to him. She had no reason to treat him this way. He was just a burden to everyone else. It's why he, shockingly enough, didn't keep his face pressed in her chest. Normally she would have had a hell of a time to dig his face out of them had she gotten them close enough. Instead, he just pulled his head away some, nuzzling her neck as a sort of thanks.
"Fairness never really applied to me.... and I don't mind.... I know myself well enough.... that even if he were to beat me up..... I'd still stay by his side as long as he kept giving me all of the sweetness he used to. If life was fair, my parents would have been proud that their son was a star in his school, not berate him for what he can't do. If life was fair, they would have cared that I was going to prom at fourteen with someone who I don't even remember their name, even though I was gone all night and don't remember what happened. If it was fair, I wouldn't be here...." He spoke quietly, pausing every so often to take a breath and to re-organize his words.
"I don't know what I deserve, but I don't know if I should have anything better."
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Post by Asher LeBeau on Nov 2, 2010 11:37:03 GMT -5
(I'm Not A Princess)(This ain't a fairytale) Asher sighed, more worried about Nis than herself and her state of mind at the moment. She’d had her chances and she’d blown all of them off and away so she didn’t get another option. Letting Nis sit back, she watched him with a quirked eyebrow and a wary expression, knowing full well what he was saying and able to understand just how far he’d fallen for Ian. It was the state the gypsy wanted her to be in with him. Totally, completely, and utterly head over heels.
It was bad. That much was an understatement, but Asher knew the look. She’d seen it before in others and it was hell when it wasn’t reciprocated. Brushing a hand through her hair, she took a moment to think, collecting her thoughts before she spoke again, weighing Nis’ words against his actions before speaking again.
“Did you think your actions were fair to Ian? Life isn’t fair, Nis, but we have to make the best of what we have. So make your choices carefully because most of us don’t get a second chance. You have a second chance, Nis, make the best of it you can,” she said softly, watching him and ignoring the faint shiver setting into her body from the cold. Alaska was not a good place to be underdressed in winter.
“Nis, you’ve gotta have your own way, decide your own path. I didn’t have parents, really. Mine never cared what I did or what happened, so long as I was still alive somewhere and not being an embarrassment. I was put in foster care as an infant and adopted by a couple that really just wanted to show they were good by adopting a kid,” she said, looking at him steadily.
“They died when I was fourteen, and I became an emancipated minor. I fought for everything I have and got it one way or another, even if it meant fucking someone to get where I wanted or to get something I needed,” she said quietly, watching his reaction.
“I know life isn’t fair, but it’s also what you make it.”
[/size] [/color] Actually...I don't think Ian knows that much... Outfit;; Clothes Music;; Nada Tag;; Nis~ Credit;; made by lelegirllele of CAUTION TO THE WIND[/ul] [/quote] |
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Post by Adonis Matthews on Nov 2, 2010 22:45:06 GMT -5
If someone were to actually tell Nis that he was that far in love with Ian, actual true and pure love, he'd laugh at them. Laugh because it just wasn't in his plans. For him lust was love, and anything beyond that....scared the hell out of him if he was to be truthful. So by not labeling it, in a way he was saving himself from extra heartache. After all, he didn't expect anyone to ever feel the same way about him.
"I'm sorry about your....family.... Asher...." It didn't seem right to him, shortening her name to something so familiar when he didn't have that sort of relationship with her. He barely had any kind of relationship with her, and here he was, placing a burden on her. She was trying to comfort him, and he was being bothersome. He was a horrible person. He had to be. Making everyone worry and feel bad....
"I should stop bothering you...." He shrugged off the sweatshirt, handing it back to her before standing up completely. "I mean... I distracted you from your horse and everything..." The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. It was a cycle. A horrible, hated cycle. But it was how he was when he didn't have the closeness and camaraderie that the soccer team gave him. Even though they had been so close, he was fairly certain that most had already forgotten him.
"Thanks for letting me borrow your sweater." He turned, taking a few steps towards the door, wondering where the hell he was going to go hide out at next.
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