Peachy Keen {Nis}

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher ran a hand through the horse's mane, letting it huff and nuzzle her hand while she smiled. Nico was in school for the moment and she didn't have any classes. It was an easy day for her and she hadn't ridden in a while, so she was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, finding a horse that would suit her temperament fairly well.

It had been a long week for her, between trying to comfort Ian over Nis and how he felt the blame for it, and trying to deal with her own son's questions about Ian and what their relationship was as well as teaching her classes. She was feeling extremely stressed as it were, so she had come out here for a little bit of time alone, to think and sort out the mess that her thoughts had become.

Writing a thesis essay was of no help, so she came out to the cold to get a bit of exercise and talk to someone who couldn't judge her...well someone who couldn't offer a judgement in a language she could understand. Asher smiled faintly at the thought, instinctively reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of her face before realizing that she'd put it back in a french braid and instead just dropping her hand.

She moved away from the mare, more towards the center of the stables, looking around and sighing, scuffing the toe of her boot in the straw on the floor, chewing her bottom lip. Why couldn't things ever be simple in life? Ash snorted faintly at the thought. Things were never simple because you would never learn. She just wanted to get everything over and done with as well as figure out what in the world was going on.

Sighing instead, she looked up at the ceiling, mouthing a few words that befit a black mood before shrugging it off, instead just wandering around the stable, petting each of the horses.

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[Adonis Matthews]

Adonis didn't want to be here. Not in the metaphyisical way, or the actual, physical one. He wanted to be dead. People didn't understand that it had nothing to do with them and their shortcomings as it did with him. People kept 'saving him' and making sure that he wasn't ever alone long enough to try anything like that again. But blaming themselves and each other didn't help him either. Rowan wasn't leaving him alone, and he knew that she still blamed Ian, even though he had explained the whole thing to her. So she had been trying to keep him away from the teacher that he had unintentionally fallen for.

On top of that, Ian wasn't fighting Rowan's request, even in secret. The Italian seemed to be avoiding him. Making him think that he was right in thinking he was just a distraction. People were telling him differently, but they were just guilty. Guilty that a seemingly happy, life loving teenager had slipped so far without anyone recognizing the signs. But that wasn't their fault, if anything it meant that he had been convincing enough. The 'problems' that drove him to want to die had started long before Ridgestone. Back in California.

At least there he knew where he stood with everyone. There he was the playboy, the soccer star, the freshman that had gotten to go to prom, then woke up, hungover and naked, in the prom king's bed. There he was just the forgotten first born who was good at fading into the background at home, working quietly on his math homework.

He couldn't take all of the false attention anymore. People that he hadn't seen in weeks were finally crawling out of the woodwork, and it made him want to scream. But he hadn't. He snuck out. Away from all of the clamoring, suffocating and mothering attention. Away from people who felt bad about him feeling bad, but didn't really seem to care if he was feeling fine. Snuck out to somewhere that people wouldn't think he'd ever go. The stables. He wasn't really fond of horses, but then again, he'd never been on one before. So he wouldn't be looked for there. Not very much anyways.

He had tucked himself up on an empty shelf, out of view from people who would stick their noses in to look at the horses, and out of sight from those that would even come in to look at the ones nearest to the door. Still, when he heard someone come in he froze, only breathing when he had to, not daring to turn and look out at who it was, because he not only didn't want to give himself away, he didn't want people to know that he had glasses. Outside of the two or three people that already did.

He just hoped they'd go away soon.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher, of course, had no real intention of leaving soon and instead wandered farther into the barn before stopping short. She recognized that shock of blonde hair anywhere and knew immediately, it wasn't Blake. That girl usually hid in harder to reach places and warm ones at that. So it left only one other person with such blonde hair who would be hiding.

The thought alone was what made her offer the first contact, stopping behind and to the side, stuffing her hands in her pockets while she worried her lower lip, in a habit that spoke volumes about how upset she was. She always did it when nervous or upset about something, and the more she did it, the worse the situation was. She had bit down hard enough in the past week to make it bleed, and today was no exception, except she stopped just short of it before shaking her head, moving forward to place a small hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Nis...what are you doing?" she asked, her own exotic accent trailing over the words, as she murmured something in Hawaiian, mostly a thanks that the boy was okay for the moment. "...did you run out on Rowan and Ian?" she asked, not bothering with the frivolities of polite conversation.

She wanted to know what was going through the boy's mind and was more than willing to listen, if he would just talk to her.

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[Adonis Matthews]

"....I ran out on Rowan." He corrected quietly, not looking up at the woman, head still on his knees, arms wrapped around them tightly. "Ian's.....been somewhere else. Rowan doesn't want him around, but he's not even when she's gone. I don't blame him though....." He pulled his legs up more, holding them tighter, even though pain shot through his injured arm. It wouldn't have been all that difficult to just pop the stitches open and reopen anything that had healed, but the more he did that the more likely it would be to scar, and he didn't want it to scar, even if he wanted to die.

"I know Ian and Rowan blame themselves.... for not noticing in time to change things. But I didn't want them to know... And... I know that they're driven by guilt... that they don't really care. Because..... they're not really helping anything.... They just want to be able to say 'oh, I tried' and not be able to be blamed."

His throat was tight and his eyes burned, but he was determined not to cry. He had known for years that he wasn't really wanted, but it still ached like lemon juice on a cut every time it was brought up. The pain probably would never go away, and the doubts would always be there. "I'm surprised you're not with him..... from what I've heard he's spent a good chunk of time with you, looking pretty content...." It wasn't an accusation, it was just a simple, almost robotic statement. His tone had stayed completely even throughout all of his sentences. On a good day he would have found anyone speaking like this rather creepy, but he just didn't have the energy to care anymore.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher sighed and bit back a wince of pain before shaking her head and moving around to Nis' side, tugging him into a hug. She felt bad, mostly like it was her fault, but bit back her emotions to focus on the boy in front of her.

"Nis...truthfully, you make Ian happier than I do. The only thing he's been around me for is Nico, but beyond that, he and I don't talk unless it has to do with Nico. In all honesty, there has been only one time that we haven't mentioned Nico and it was about you," she murmured, tilting his chin slightly to look at her eyes.

Asher was the world's worst liar, hands down. Her eyes revealed every emotion, every thought, in a clear amethyst gem that was breathtaking to behold.

Kissing his temple, she rubbed his back and sighed, giving him a hug again, and letting her fingers run through his hair in a comforting gesture. "One thing I do know, Nis, is that Ian truly does love you, otherwise he wouldn't have said so. I know you won't hurt him like I did," she said softly. "I'm willing to listen to you talk about whatever it is that you want."

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[Adonis Matthews]

"You weren't talking about Nico when I saw you together. You looked so perfect together. Cozy like that. He belongs with you. Even though I'm stupid I'm not so stupid that I don't realize these things. I can tell when he looks at you that he still loves you." Even though his head had been tilted so he'd be able to look into her eyes, he didn't. He wasn't even looking at her chest, as would have been the usual problem with turning his head so he'd be able to easily get a good look. In fact, he hadn't made one lewd comment since he was off whatever drugs Rowan had put him on.

What he did do however, was instantly nestle himself into the hug. He was tired on top of it all, but he couldn't sleep. For the longest time he hadn't been able to sleep very well without someone to snuggle up to, and nobody had been willing or able to stay with him long enough, nor had he bothered to ask anyone, not wanting to inconvenience them.

"There's nothing to really talk about...." In his mind, everything had already been said, and it didn't change anything when he had said it, so there was no real reason to continue repeating himself. It seemed unnecessarily draining to keep on in that fashion, and since he was still pretty drained to start with, there didn't seem to be a point to keep on adding to that.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher sighed momentarily, letting Nis settle into the hug and just providing a secure base for him, since that's what she needed. There was some truth to what he said, Ian did claim to love her still.

She just ran her hand through his hair, humming gently under her breath as she comforted him, kissing his forehead. "Nis, sweetheart, you are not stupid. Far from it. Ian loves you, and yes, he's given me a hug before, but he used to be my best friend...Nis, I left him when he told me that he loved me," she said, softly.

Not many people knew the story. Asher had slept with him, blaming alcohol and drunk, but neither of them were as drunk as they claimed. It was true, Asher had run after they'd slept together, waking up before Ian and getting dressed in a hurry, running out the door. She'd forgotten her ring, lost in the sheets and Ian had found and kept the blasted thing.

She knew that she'd hurt him a lot when she left, but she still felt responsible for Nis' current state. Looking down at him, she chewed her lower lip for a moment before speaking again. "Nis...is there something you want me to do for you?" she asked gently.

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[Adonis Matthews]

Regardless of why they felt guilty or responsible, Adonis didn't like it. Because in his mind, none of them were. They were all innocent of everything that was happening to him, because they had never caused him any pain that he didn't already expect.

"Anyone with eyes can see that Ian still adores you Asher...." He murmured, "Best friend or not...." He didn't know why he was arguing with her about this. He knew that she probably wouldn't believe him. Most people passed what he noticed off without much thought. "And I am stupid. I've been told that for years, that I'm just a mistake of genetics." Saying these things about himself didn't seem to hurt. In fact, he barely batted an eyelash.

After all, if you're told something enough times, or if you tell yourself something enough times, it becomes true, doesn't it?

"Like what?" He asked in a mumble. Had it been a day where he felt fine, he'd have made some lewd remark. But then again, if it was a day when he felt fine, she probably wouldn't have asked that question in the first place. He knew that there'd probably be a point where he looked back on this day and kicked himself. But right now, he didn't have his mind firmly implanted in the realm of sexcapades that he normally protected himself with.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher sighed gently, rubbing his back and just holding him for the moment, listening to what he said, without trying to brush it off. She knew how it felt to be told things and then have someone else tell you something different.

"Nis, just because someone tells you something, do you always believe it? If you really were, do you think Ian would love you?" her voice was soft and reasonable, calm and comforting. "Nis, you are easily one of the best people I've met here. I care for you and want to see you happy," she said, rubbing his back, cuddling him to her.

She just kissed his temple, letting him relax against her. "Anything you need, Nis," she said, her accent becoming a bit stronger with the emotions.

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[Adonis Matthews]

"The people telling me were my parents. They had a good reason." It was a simple reply, yet one that would give her worlds of insight into his thought processes. More than most people were able to get, even if he had said the same thing to them. Most would just dismiss it as they were wrong and he should forget all about it. But the thing was, he couldn't. The effects from that inferiority placed on him echoed through every cell.

"I'm good at pretending.... And he doesn't really love me.... otherwise he wouldn't have let himself be chased away. It's okay though. I'm used to things like this. It's why I'm fine with letting myself fade away into everyone's memory. If I'm even that lucky." It was a fairly cavalier attitude to have with things like this.

"I'm fine though Asher, don't worry about me. I don't need anything. Your being here was very nice though."

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher sighed and moved to look at Nis fully, shaking her head. "I'm no psychologist, but I am a parent. Anyone who tells that to their child is wrong," she said firmly. "Everyone has faults, but no one is stupid or useless or a mistake," she said, looking at him, forcing him to look at her and see that she meant every word she said.

"Furthermore, Ian does not throw that phrase around casually. He cares about you and feels responsible. We all do, Nis. It doesn't matter that you think none of us are, but we all are," she continued, moving around to hug him tightly. "We care about you and are just at a loss of what you want from us."

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[Adonis Matthews]

"Right or wrong, it's the truth. I was the rough draft. The wrong combination of genes. Inferior to my younger sister." He didn't think that Asher would actually get it. On a conscious level, he knew that they were wrong. Subconsciously however, every one of their criticisms waited inside him, waited to tear him apart piece by piece. Had he wanted her to understand? Yeah, he would have wanted someone to understand. But had he actually expected her to? No. He didn't fault her for that either. He knew that it was hard to understand the way that an abused child thought without having been abused themselves.

The big question was what he wanted from them. Everything that he thought of was very dumb sounding. The main thing was he didn't want to be alone. Ever again. He didn't want to be pushed to the side and used as just a toy. But he knew that he would be, because he was just a toy. "You guys....have done so much already.... I shouldn't have to ask you to do anything.... And what I would want from you would be a burden...." He drew away from her, staring at the floor, upset and almost ashamed at having to be so reliant on other people.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher sighed lightly, letting Nis pull away before chewing her lip. She was almost at a loss for words and what to do, but her stubbornness wouldn't let her back down from the boy when it was obvious he needed something and it was up to someone he looked up to to help him.

Asher stepped back slightly to give him his space, speaking softly. "Nis, then tell me what it is you do that makes you feel the way you do?" she asked softly, leaving it open for him to decide if he didn't want to. Rubbing his back, she nuzzled him faintly and kissed his cheek.

"Sweetheart, you can ask me anything and I'll do whatever I can to make you happy," she said. "You shouldn't have these feelings, Nis. You are perfect and everyone loves you," she said softly.

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[Adonis Matthews]

"....It's not really anything I do...." He mumbled, "I just don't like being alone....Truly alone..." When he chose to be by himself, it was different. But when he was alone, really alone, like at night, it was horrible for him. Because then those mocking thoughts implanted by his sister and parents came back, telling him that he had nobody else with him because he wasn't good enough for them to want to stay.

"But I don't want to ask anyone to stay with me.... it's an inconvenience to them...." And there was also the oddity of his equating sex with a form of love, not just lust. It made him feel wanted and needed and like he was the only person that mattered just then. It suggested sexual abuse, but he didn't think that he ever had been abused like that, it was just his mind making up for the lack of positive attention that he had gotten as a child and teenager.

"I appreciate your support Asher, but you have enough to deal with already." He couldn't exactly tell her that he was worried that, love or not, Ian would jump at the chance to have a normal family with her and Nico instead of dealing with him and his screwed up thinking, his depressive hidden mindset, and his constant fear of being dumped to the side, left alone to be shunned by the rest of society. Because saying that sounded so sane. He'd be put on medication if anyone found out about that. He didn't want Rowan even more watchful over him than she already was.

[Asher LeBeau]

Asher scowled faintly at his words, not liking what she was hearing, but listening nonetheless like she said she would do. It was something that she could do and even the littlest effort on her part meant something. Sighing lightly, she brushed the hair out of his face before she looked at him calmly.

"Adonis, I want you to listen to me very carefully, alright? I don't love Ian. I don't know if I ever could, but a family is not something that I really wanted. I couldn't function in a normal relationship at this point anyways," she said softly as she looked at him.

Leaning forward, she brushed a kiss over his forehead and let her hand drop, seeing if he wanted to initiate the contact anymore. "Nis, you know that you can come to us anytime and we'll help you. Perhaps if you had a roommate it might help a little bit? I know I'm thinking short, but we can only take small steps right now."

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