A Boy Can Dream (Kohaku)

[ica]

Too many people die young. It always happens. Sometimes you can't prevent it. Diseases, accidents, suicide. You can try to stop them but sometimes you just make it all worse. What was the point of living till you were old and wrinkly anyways? You reach a certain age where your back gives out on you, your teeth start to fall out and any chance of leaving your yard again isn't possible. You sit on your porch watching the young ones go by. But the worst part was that you would lose your mind. Your intelligence would start disappear along with your memories. All of those moments you promised you would never be forget. The promise would be broken and you'd forget them all.

Icarus couldn't handle the idea of growing old. The boy was rather intelligent in the way that, once he learned something, it was in his mind to stay. Particularly secret and information about other people. It had been his job after all. He had been a young information broker. Icarus couldn't lose what he knew. He couldn't lose his memories either. He cheshired every memory he had. Anything good or anything bad. The bad memories were like warnings. They reminded him to stay away from certain people or to not do certain things because they would have a bad outcome. The bad memories had to be kept. They were almost as important as the good ones. The good memories were for happy purposes. They could calm Icarus when he was angry. They could make him smile when he was sad. Icarus couldn't handle when he couldn't remember something. He would never dare think back to those years that were just a gap in his memory. It's why he stayed far away from alcohol. That substance messed with your memories and Icarus just could not have that happening.

So why not just die young? Icarus had questioned it many times in his seventeen years of life. He asked himself why he hadn't just killed himself. There would be no more problems. No more getting beaten up. No more police coming after him. No more vile father to call him a monster. No more mother to tell him he's not good enough. No more broken hearts. Death seemed so appealing. The more Icarus had thought about it, the more wonderful it seemed. But if he continued thinking, he realized how much he feared the thought of death. No more happy memories. No friends. No more smiling. No more laughing. No more owls. No more chocolate. No more...? It would all be gone. Would death have the same luxuries that life had? Icarus heard bad things about death. Lots of darkness. Lots of nothing. That didn't sound very fun at all. But at least the pain would be gone. All that horrible pain.

Icarus started to tell himself that he could die right then and there. Was he dying? He tried to remember. There was pain through his body. Something about him hurt. Pain meant you weren't dead. It meant you weren't dreaming either. It was his chest. There was a pressure on it that made it hard for him to breathe. Lung problems of course. Or, rather, heart problems. They affected his breathing. But that wasn't all of it. There was a different pain in his chest that wasn't coming from inside, it was on the skin. It was bruised. Different areas of his body hurt from bruises. Every kick and punch that had been thrown at him that day. Or had it been yesterday? The day before? Icarus didn't know. But he remembered every hit. All because he made one little mistake. He didn't know Era had a boyfriend. He didn't know someone was going to attempt killing him because he had finally given in and allowed himself to have sex with another. Apparently Era was the wrong person to have sex with. But the boy had offered. But Icarus swore he had a good reason. He did it so that one day, maybe, he could be good enough. He had to get some sort of sexual experience all so that he could be good enough. All Icarus wanted anymore was to be good enough for Kohaku.

The boy was saved. Icarus clearly remembered being saved but the man who had saved him wasn't someone he had known. Icarus would have to find him later and thank him. As for the boy he had been saved from? Icarus would stay far away from. He'd have to stay far away from Era too. He promised that he would. There was running too. Lots of running. Through hallways, past people all the way to a door. He ran to Kohaku's door. But his heart had stopped. Had Kohaku been home? Had Kohaku answered when Icarus called to him? The boy couldn't remember. He didn't remember anything from the moment he reached the door and afterward. It was as though, just on the brink of his memory, what had happened was there. But he couldn't get to it. He just remembered needing air and his heart stopping.

Icarus groaned and opened his eyes in the very slightest. Too bright. Much too bright. The white light flooded his vision and he instantly snapped his eyes shut and turned his head away. Death wouldn't have bright lights like that, would it? Icarus tried to roll over but something was in the way. Not exactly in the bed with him. There were just wires attached to him. Icarus snapped his eyes open wide now, glaring into the light and dropping his gaze and following the wires with his eyes to the machine that he was hooked up to. The boy's eyes instantly fell shut and his head fell back against the pillow. He was alive. Very alive. But how?

There was a loud beeping. It was all at the same rhythm. Just the same beeping over and over again. Besides that, the room was entirely silent. It just took a few minutes of listening to that beeping. Then it clicked in. It was the heart monitor. Icarus's eyes opened and he looked over to watch the screen on the heart monitor. He was definitely alive. Icarus gave a bit of a smile and turned his head to stare at the ceiling. It didn't quite make sense. Not in the boy's mind. He wasn't sure if he should be happy or disappointed. Things would have been easier if he had died. But things would have been lonelier if he had left life as well. The boy lifted his arm to rub the back of his hand at his eyes, finding that he was tearing up just in the slightest. He didn't need to cry. Not now. He couldn't cry.

But any thought of crying was gone. Icarus's head dropped to the side and he found his eyes locked on the sleeping man in the chair. "K-kohaku?" Icarus asked, squinting a bit as he watched the man. Why was Kohaku there of all people? Though he had gone to that man's door. He pursed his lips and tried to reach out to the man. But the man in the chair was just out of his reach. Icarus whimpered at that fact and tried reach out farther but the machine and the wires prevented him to move any farther without wrecking anything. Icarus bit at his lip and shut his eyes. "Kohaku? Please, wake up... p-please. Talk to me..." Icarus was so happy the man was there. At that moment, he was happy to be alive because Kohaku was right there. But he wanted to hear the man's voice. He wanted the man to hold him and tell him everything would be all okay just like he had at times before.

[Kohaku R. LeBara]

• •
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Kohaku couldn't stand hospitals, he couldn't damn stand them.He knew he became a doctor because he wanted to help people, and to shut Darroll up, but he damn well hated hospitals. Ever since he was a child they were a source of pain for him. Of course as a small child he ahd loved seeing his baby brother wrapping in that tiny blue blanket, his mother helping him see through the glass. The same scene, only older was another sweet one, though that time he was much older and his smile wasn't one of a cheerful child but an almost tearful father as he held his wife. Other then those two moments, hospitals have always been his hell. Seeing his mother strapped to those machines, holding her hand through tearful bright eyes. Loudly scolding his baby brother who's leg was casted, hugging him tightly. Brushing Kei's hair to gently reassue him that he would leave the hospital, gripping the boy's too thin hand. The worst though was seeing his beautiful love, laying beneath those white sheets with a breathing mask. He can't forget that horrible fright, holding back his shaking every time a doctor talked to him, begigng them ot let himself look after her. He heated hospitals, and heart monitors. How many times he was scared to hear a flat-line, and that one time he did, when his beloved left him for the last time. This didn't stop him from being a doctor though. No, he became one to stop things like this. He never wanted to lose anyone again, it was a promise he made to himself along with thr many others he made so long ago.

When Icarus collasped, Kohaku felt his heart fall as well. His blood went cold, and fear took over. He knew this scene, he knew this chilling pain. He wans't going to let it happen. he was so desperate as he pushed on teh boy's chest, silently begging between exchanges of air, silently pleading the lord he gave up on, not to make him lose someone else. Not this time, he wasn't going to let this happen again. The moment he heard that gasp of breaht, the man shuddered, jumping into action. He was fast to his feet, quick to taking the child to the infirmary. Kohaku barely remembered anything, only that he had set the child up to the machines and called his home. He was thankful more hten ever that he taught Mink to pick up the phone when he heard his father's voice on the answering machine. he had told the child to make sure the door was closed and not open till Daddie came home. The man had returned home only a moment, tucking in the small child and telling him daddie may not be home in the morning, and just to what cartoons or such. The only memory he had after was falling in the chair in the infirmary, gently gripping his head with a shiver as he silently begged whatever dinity in the sky was listening to help him. Kohaku wasn't even sure when he finally fell asleep in the chair, but he fell asleep hard.

It took the man a few moments to responde the words directed at him. With a soft groan, the man's eyes fluttered open, gazing at the child, still lost int eh haze of sleep. With a soft grumble, he sat up right and rub his hands over his face, finally looking at the boy. Kohaku was still a moment, simply staring at child, unable to belive it. Without much thought, he was on his feet and arms were around the boy, holding him close, unable to keep his arms from shaking "Icarus.." He whispered the name, simply embracing the boy. "You scared me.. oh lord you scared me.." He sighed and cupped the boy's face in his hands, concerned eyes looking over him. "How do you feel...?" It was stupid to ask, but he had to. He had ot do something to keep himself from simply hugging hte boy tight, something he knew wasn't the best idea.

TAGGED ! ICARUS AKA MY LOVELY CARLY
WORDS ! idk man.. idk
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! blah blah

[ica]

Instantly, Icarus found that he couldn't hold back his tears. He was alive and in Kohaku's arms. Everything felt so perfect. He couldn't help but cry just because he was so happy. Things probably would have been better off with him dead. There were few people who'd miss him and so many who would have easier lives with him gone. But he was alive. All those people who wanted him gone could go burn in hell for all he cared. Icarus only cared that he was alive and with Kohaku. Everyone else could be dead and Icarus wouldn't care because he had Kohaku. Although Kohaku would probably be depressed if everyone were dead and then Icarus would feel bad because Kohaku was unhappy. The world would be over if Icarus and Kohaku were the last two people on earth. They were both boys after all. But it wasn't so much of a secret anymore that Icarus wanted Kohaku in the way a girl would want a guy. But, just by observing the man, any chance of anything more than friends seemed impossible to Icarus. He tried not to let that fact break his heart.

Icarus moved his arms tight around the man's neck. He buried his face to Kohaku's chest and nuzzled at it gently. Though he was very much wetting the man's shirt with his tears. He know Kohaku would mind. Gently, he ran his fingers through Kohaku's hair and tried to pull him tighter against him. But he moved his face from the man's chest and wore the happiest smile on his face. "Emotionally? Amazing... you're here... and we're okay and... and... Oh, Kohaku," he mumbeled happily as he nuzzles in closer to the man. Emotionally, Icarus felt on top of the world. Unless Kohaku decided to drop him and randomly say he hated him and wanted him dead, that wasn't about to change. Physically, he felt bruised all over and breathing hurt in the slightest amount. In fact, the tight hugging wasn't helping him physically. It was emotionally. He never wanted Kohaku to let him go. If they could stay hugging like that moment forever, then Icarus would never have a complaint in the world. Life would be great. "You're here for me, Koko. You're here... don't ever leave."

[Kohaku R. LeBara]

• •
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Kohaku sighed, burying his face in the child's hair. He had been so scared, so terrified that he would loose Icarus. The boy was his student, and Kohaku could even dare enough to say he liked the boy in the way of a friend. The child was so lost, Kohaku didn't mind holding him adn helping remind the small boy that he was alright. Kohaku rembered a time ago, when another student got into a rough fight and he and Rowan were beside the girl's bed, having a hushed arguement while she rested. The woman was scolding him, reminding tee man that these children were delinquents, that he couldn't grow close. The man was unnerved, scolding back that he knew his job and place here, and no way was he becoming attached to these children. Oh, what a fool he was looking back. He should have pleaded with the woman to help him, to keep him from this. This man was trapped, his love for his students showing too greatly.

The man wasn't aware of the boy's desires or thoughts, and the man frankly wouldn't have understood even if he did know. As much as he hated hte fac,t he was rather naive with such things. Now he wouldn't deny that he cared for teh booy deeply, but the had a strong love for all of his students. The man was a father, and though he couldn't say he looked at his students as his children, he had a deep home for them all in his heart. It is why he never looked at them as criminals, why he forgave anything they did. They were only children, they needed help to move along. Kohaku had tried to be deattached from them and help, but he simply couldn't. He refused to deny his deep care for them any more, and that simple fact made it impossible for him to imagine what would have happened if he hadn't caught Icarus in that moment.

His eyes looked down at the boy at the touch to his hair, a calm look on his face. The man didn't react for a moment, merely stroking Icarus' hair with a light sigh. Of course he had meant physically, but he alreayd knew the answer so it was best the child informed him on his emotional situation. With a weak nod, he kept his arms wrapped around the child, gently rubbing his back. "Good.. you must be exgausted.." His fingers ran up the child's childs back to rest behind the child's shoulders, nodding again lightly. " I will stay.. He paused for a moment, kissing the child's hair, softly mumbling against the soft locks. " I wish to know what happened... why was my sweet little student passed out at my door? He whispered his words, assuring the child he didn't have to speak now.. but Kohaku was quite curious. " You are safe now Icarus.. I won't let anything happen to you."

TAGGED ! ICARUS AKA MY LOVELY CARLY
WORDS ! idk man.. idk
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! blah blah

[ica]

The world felt better when Kohaku was around. Icarus would honestly say that he had to be the kindest man he had ever met. He'd met many nice children who would be so pure, optimistic and sweet. But, to Icarus, Kohaku was even better than any of those children. He wasn't pure, but he had a kind heart and that was enough to make Icarus happy. No one in Icarus's memory had ever treated him so kindly. He was a monster, after all. He killed, hurt, burned, stole. The things he stole were then sold. All that information he took from people. Their secrets and personal life. He would get all of that information and sell it to anyone who was wanting to hear. Icarus wasn't the pure and innocent child everyone thought of when they looked at him. He went out of his way to become a monster just like his father had been before him. But Kohaku made Icarus feel as though he was something wonderful, not a scary beast.

The boy leaned into the touch, letting out a deep sigh while giving his head a slow shake. "I don't feel too tired, Kohaku... how long was I out for? I bet it was long. That would explain why I'm not exhausted at all," Icarus explain with a frown, though there was a look of curiosity in his eyes. So maybe he was just a little tired, but he wasn't wanting to sleep. He wanted to stay up the whole day with Kohaku there against him. It would be the perfect day for him. They wouldn't have to do anything. Icarus wouldn't have to shed any blood or steal or threaten to sell someone's secrets. They could just talk. That was all Icarus ever really needed to be happy.

Icarus's breath hitched when the man asked what had happened. The boy remembered. He just wasn't sure if he should tell the elder. He tucked his face away against Kohaku's neck and shut himself up for a few long moments. He wasn't sure how he could explain what had happened. "I don't want you angry, Kohaku! I did things and they made people unhappy but I didn't know anyone would be unhappy. I really didn't..." Icarus whimpered softly, shutting his tightly to prevent any tears. He gripped rather tightly at the fabric cover the man's shoulders but didn't grip at the shoulders themselves. Icarus didn't want to hurt the man. He took in a shaky breath and shook his head. "A-and I did it for you... and I don't want you to feel bad! But I really did it all for you... I'm sorry, Kohaku. I don't think I can tell you. No, no, no... I don't want you unhappy!"

[Kohaku R. LeBara]

• •
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Kohaku sighed softly, merely keeping the child close. This boy.. he spoke to oddly, he so said many strange things. Kohaku didn't want to push, he didn't want to ask what the child did, but he had to know. Did it for him...no. Those weren't words the man wanted to hear. He didn't want Icarus, and having had a hand in it. Not again. Too many times he had a hand in those he cared for getting hurt. The man frowned softly, merely stroking the child's hair. No, no, he had ot hear it. He had to know what Icarus did so he could try and fix it. Cause Kohaku would..he would do anything to fix it. "Icarus.." The man paused, sighing softly. "Tell me.. tell me everything. I will fix it.. I promise" It wasn't a lie, he really would do anything.

The man was confused, very. He didn't know why thte child would do aynthing for him. He was his teacher, it was his job to look after the boy and care for him, not the other way around. Still, something about it eased him a bit. The boy was trying, it was a step. Not that the boy doing harmful thigns was good, but the child was showing care and that was a good sign. Many times, Kohaku had seen children who shut off, who lost their confidence to even care about someone.

'Icarus.. sh..." He gently hushed the child as he stroked the little one's locks, softly nuzzling him. This boy, this sweet boy.. What could have happened that caused this? he didn't push yet, not just yet. Instead he enjoyed hold the child and merely closed his eyes, muttering to Icarus how worried he was. He wanted the boy to know that, to know he was terrified. Because he was his friend..and he cared.

TAGGED ! ICARUS AKA MY LOVELY CARLY
WORDS ! idk man.. idk
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! blah blah

[ica]

The boy had already said too much. Icarus had confessed to the man that he had done all of this for him. Though he hadn't meant to get hurt. The whole reason of him doing anything with Era in the first place was because he thought it would benefit him, not get him stuck in an infirmary after a very near death incident. Would Kohaku be angry if he knew what Icarus had done? Would he be sad and feel really bad? Maybe Icarus should make up a lie. Perhaps take back what he said about doing it for the man. He shouldn't have said it in the first place. Explaining why he had slept withe Era and gotten himself beaten up for it to Kohaku after saying he'd done it for him would bring up a lot of questions. Icarus was afraid of answering those questions.

Quickly trying to calm himself, Icarus shut his eyes and took in a few deep breaths. He loved the feeling of those fingers in his hair. Just any touch to his hair felt so soothing, more from Kohaku than anyone else. The boy reached up to take the hand, tugging at it to pull it against his chest. He could hear his own heart beating in his chest and that wasn't just because of the heart monitor on the table beside him. But he could feel his heart thumping in his chest, even more so when he held the man's hand against it.

"I... got beaten up by a boy. I won't say names! But... he beat me up because I kind of slightly slept with his boyfriend," Icarus explained, getting quieter as he kept talking. He pursed his lips after that and quickly shook his head, refusing to let himself cry at the memories. "I didn't know he had a boyfriend though! He never told me... he just asked if I would play with him in the touching way. I said yes... but he never told me he had a boyfriend." Icarus whimpered and pulled away from the man. He kept hold of his hand though and lifted his gaze, staring up at him with pleading eyes. "I swear I didn't know! I wouldn't have slept with him if I'd known he'd had a boyfriend. But the boyfriend got mad... so mad... he snaped and tried to kill me. I just... I'm so sorry..."

[Kohaku R. LeBara]

• •
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Kohaku fell silent, simply watching the boy. he let his hand rest on teh boy's chest, frowning softly at the boy. He could feel the child's heart beat, something he had been aching to hear a few hours before. It felt amazing, to feel the soft movement against his hand. What if he had not been home? He was running late that night, what if he had been on time? Icarus, would he be able to hold the child as he is now? The thought made him shudder, a weak sigh escaping him. He was so important... in a way that Kohaku knew he should be. Could he say he loved a student? Well, better yet coudl he say he loved anyone? It was easy for the man to say he loved his son, that was agiven. Could he love anyone else? Such a thought never occured to him until now. Kohaku knew he cut people away, only letting them so close. It amused him really, that so many people would claim to be close with him yet no one knew a single thing about him. It was ok though, it was better this way. He liked being unknown, never being close. It meant that he was safe from being hurt again, something that he expected from everyone. He adored Icarus, so much, but something wouldn't let him open to this child. It wasn't the child himself though, it was his own precaution towards everyone.

As the child spoke, Kohaku let his eyes close, giving a weak groan. Those words alone told him who it was. 'Play', there was only one boy Kokhaku knew who used such a word. That sweet child, tainted by his actions but pure in every other way. Yes, Kohaku knew Era well, they had spoekn on several occasions and he felt a form of attachment to that tiny boy. He found him damn adorable, and also knew his boyfriend, Dis. He had seen several incidents because of that boy, which only made him frown more. The first time had been a fight with Sano.. and if his memory recalled right, another one with Blake. Now Kohaku knew in a school like this it was foolish to grow so close to the students, but he couldn't help it. They were so different, yet all so similar. He wanted to help them all, so much, and deep down knew he would never be anything more then useless to any of these children. The french born male shifted on his feet again, opening his eyes to watch the child on the bed, who still had his hand. With his unheld one, the man pulled the open leather jacket tighter to his body, rather annoyed with the sudden heat of the room. Living in this strange american state for three years, he grew so use to the chill temperatures. Though soon it would heat up, so things would be well enough in time.

"Icarus... I never said I did not trust in your words" He spoke softly, trying to ease the boy. His hand strokes the boy's hair once more, a hand resting on the child's head as he softly kissed his forehead. Kohaku wasn't sure why he was so use to giving such an action, but he knew he seemed to give it often. He always did so when trying to ease someone, that and just his impulses that led to such actions. His impulses led to him doing many actions, some mistakes just like the child before him had done. Though he still found himself wondering why the child said he did such for him; he wasn't aware of any ties he had with Era besides those few meetings. "I know the two you are speaking about...and I will deal with it. I promise Icarus, I will deal with this situation.." He paused a moment, sighing softly against the top of the child's hair. "The proper punishment will be given..." He left his words to die, frowning. Era didn't do anything besides have some sexual affiar with a child.. but Dis and Icarus had gotten caught in a fight. Of course it was more like an attack, Kohaku knew both would be punished, though he would find something for Icarus. Kohaku often pulled favors for students, and never minded such. He had been a long time teacher, and never gave his boss much of a hard time, usually opting to stay out of as much trouble as he could. Besides, it wasn't like it was so easy to get teachers to come to such a place as this. Kohaku kept his hand on the back of the boy's head, pulling away a bit to look at him for a long moment. "Icarus...it's alright. You are here now.. you are safe. I won't let anyone hurt you while you are here. I will stay the night.. besides I couldn't leave anyways, I worry too much.." He gaze softened, his voice light as if to hope and ligthen the child's mood. He wanted to make the boy smile, so much. Such an expression suited the child much better then the broken gaze he awoke with. "Let's put a smile back on that face mhh?"

TAGGED ! ICARUS AKA MY LOVELY CARLY
WORDS ! idk man.. idk
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! blah blah