Breathe |D|I|S|

[Blake Riina Kildal]

It was a steady melodic tune that kept creeping out from her fingers. It sounded wistful and even vaguely fantastical, like something that belonged in a fairytale. But if one listened from the beginning, the tune was not pretty. It was sad, as what accompanied the tiny girl behind the piano with bandaged hands and arms. The long sleeves she’d taken to wearing were pushed up so she could play, the shirt fitting baggy on her, hiding the lithe frame.

The bandages were not dirty, but they were not stark white either. They showed a few day’s wear on them, only the tip of her fingers showing, those cracked and dried from the incessant playing she’d been doing lately. She only really stopped to eat, sleep, or shower. Other than that, she practically lived in one of the back music rooms, away from everyone and out of trouble.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Blake hunched behind the piano, eyes closed and just letting her fingers move over the keys. She’d set something up to record the music, but it had gotten full long ago and was now just sitting there, blinking and clicking. She was ignoring it, like everything else around her. She’d gone ahead and withdrawn back into her shell, quiet and empty just like the empty halls here.

Perhaps it was best that she never be let out. Everyone knew that she wouldn’t last long. After all, she had no one to rely on and nothing to go back to. Even those that she’d grown slightly attached to had gone off and left her behind---or so she felt.

The girl had surprisingly low self-esteem, considering she was actually pretty when she tried it. Otherwise she just didn’t care about herself and thought the lowest of herself. She had been told and treated no differently than in the past, thus proving her fears correct.

A sudden ache made the music stop suddenly as one bandaged hand flew to her shoulder where a nasty looking scar peeked over the collar of her shirt. She massaged it gently, dropping her head forward so blonde hair covered her features and she sat in the silence before reaching over and turning off the recording device.

The scar was just a reminder that she should never get attached.

[Dis Akhmet]

Here was a house of monsters, ghouls, and ghosts, Dis mused to himself as he made his silent way down the hallway of the fine arts wing. With his arm outstretched, fingertips barely trailing along the rough surface of the wall, he made an almost lonely figure as he made his slow trek. In the dim light provided by the Alaskan winter and the scanty hallway lighting, he watched as his shadow melted between the patches of light and dark. The boy pressed his palm against the grainy wall for a moment, stilling as he closed his eyes once the soft lilt of piano music drifted through the air. The sound was a melancholy and held an eerie combination of beauty and rawness; it was as ghostly as the winter night outside was.

He had been partially hoping to be alone in this wing at this hour, as the dry smells of paper and clay from the various art rooms helped take him to a better place in his head. While the music that drifted through the halls told him that he wasn't entirely alone, he didn't mind it much. For now it set the mood; his curiosity would kick in later and goad him into finding the musician. For now, however, he was content to watch his shadow as it dipped in and out of sight and swayed with his movements. He had a lot to think about these days. Maybe some more time in Iso would have helped him sort his thoughts out, or perhaps it would have just driven him further into insanity.

Thoughts of Era and the horrible ordeal with that man whirled through his head, but it wasn't just that situation that gnawed at his brain. Guilt did. So much guilt clogged up his skull that he found himself scribbling incessantly during class, so lost in his dark little prison that he couldn't focus on the lessons at hand. He was so guilty... Guilty about letting Era get hurt, guilty about being a bad kid, guilty about his temper, especially guilty about abandoning his friendships, particularly Blake... So guilty, guilty, guilty.

He needed to make amends, but the fact was that he was still so very sick inside his skull, and he knew it. Could he even hope to keep friendships alive when he was one to shut himself away the second things got intense, when he focused on one person alone? He had to find a way to balance himself, and the first step was to find the people closest to him and apologize. Namely, apologize to Blake. He worried about the tiny girl, even in his psychotic daze he had realized that something was off-kilter about her lately, but he hadn't taken the time to really learn what was going on. He was a horrible friend, and if she didn't accept his apologies, well then, he deserved that.

His slow footfalls eventually led him to a turn in the hallway that led to another stretch of forlorn walls and floors with doors embedded every few feet. The music was louder now, and Dis let the sound lead him to the door that was just slightly askew. He stood there for a moment, a slight frown crossing his features when the melody halted. With his fingertips lightly pressed against the wood he pushed the door open, letting his eyes adjust to see the too-small figure huddled in front of the piano. Blake. He watched her for a moment in silence, the guilt rising up like a muddy flood at the sight of her rubbing the scar he had put there.

Part of him wanted to slide up behind her and envelop her in his arms and beg for forgiveness, part of him wanted to flee and let the guilt eat at him until he was nothing but a pile of gnawed bones. He was caught between the two wishes and simply stood there, frozen, waiting for his mind to work or his body to move before it was told to stop.

"Blake...."

The words were soft, possibly too faint to hear, and almost mournful. He fell silent afterward, letting the silence fill in the gash his words made. He didn't know what to say, a simple 'I'm sorry' was far too weak of a phrase to atone for what he did...

[Blake Riina Kildal]

Poised to play, fingers hovering over the black and white ivory keys, she froze for a moment when the door opened, figuring it was nothing but wind until she felt like she was being watched. Not lifting her head from where she stared down at her hands, she worried her lower lip between her teeth, tasting blood for the umpteenth time that day. It was a nervous habit she did, partially from when she was thinking and another from where she was uncertain about a situation as she was now. Her fingers pressed down ever so slightly on the keys, not enough to produce a sound before the voice broke through the quiet.

The wing was always silent throughout the night, whenever no one was around, as she had previously thought, so the word was able to be heard. She didn’t dare lift her eyes though, instead curling in on herself even more behind the piano, as if the instrument was going to spring to life and save her from the pit she’d fallen into. Long, blonde hair covered her face and she slid the sleeves of the shirt down, covering the bandages wrapped around her arms as she froze, almost like a rabbit waiting for the predator to leave.

It took an eternity for her to summon up the courage to speak, and when she did, her voice was just as quiet as his had been, although she knew who stood there, she feigned ignorance even though it was trivial. A slight tilt of the head acknowledged his presence before fingers pressed down on the keys, making an audible sound finally, but a jarring one at that. She frowned and trailed a few fingers on the keys, not meaning to make that sound before she moved to one of her more practices pieces, Fur Elise, and let the melancholy melody move over her mind.

She knew he didn’t want to be here, so she would either ignore him until he left or gave her no option but to acknowledge his presence or the piece was over. Whichever came first in her mind. Although, she was strongly leaning towards Dis just disappearing again, like everyone else so she stopped growing attached. Avery was leaving, Dustin never spoke to her unless drunk, Dis had Era and his own problems to worry about, Elly was always chasing after a boyfriend… Everyone was busy with their own lives and she didn’t want anyone wasting time worrying about a good for nothing.

Without even noticing it, as her thoughts spiraled downwards, her head dropped forward and her eyes closed, fingers pressing down the keys in the middle of a measure and halting the music altogether, the notes echoing and leaving an unfinished feeling to creep over the room as she sat there, looking like a wax doll.

[Dis Akhmet]

With hesitant, shuffling steps, Dis began to cross the room. In a scene that seemed to come from an old horror film, he felt the part of the monster. Slowly, ever so slowly, he padded over to the tiny body that slumped over the keys. Blake was such his opposite, he realized now, yet they were still so very similar. She seemed to be made from porcelain and bird bones in this moment, whereas he was the dark shadowed beast that in any typical scene would snap the little maiden up and hide her away forever, lock her away from the cold outside world in a misguided attempt to keep her safely his.

If only he had really done that for her. Instead he had run far away into his little mental prison and focused solely on Era, because that boy had been the only thing he felt he could really protect, and now look where it brought him… The guilt was seeping through the cracks of his guts again, lapping at his lungs and trickling in and threatening to drown him. He placed a cold and battered hand on Blake’s shoulder, watching the limb move as if he were just watching the events on a screen. Lately his whole life had felt as if he was watching it through a television, isolated from the events while he kept treading water and hoping the sharks didn’t bite. The jangling of notes snapped him back to reality for a second; he jumped slightly at the discordant sound.

Glancing down at Blake’s lifeless little form, staring in the face of everything he’d failed to do as a friend; Dis felt all his cold control unravel. His hand slid away from her shoulder as he sagged onto the bench next to her, reaching up to cover his face in a weak attempt to cover the shame. The effort failed and he let his arms fall limply onto his lap, staring at the ghostly keys as they started to blur. With a shattered voice, he croaked his apology again, shaking his head slowly as he spoke.

“This is all my fault… ‘M so sorry…”

[Blake Riina Kildal]

Blake froze instantly at the contact, unused to it after not having any for a long time. Her voice felt frozen, she didn’t want to speak, to acknowledge he was there. He was the only one that ever seemed to notice she was upset or that she was going down the darkest paths again, and she hated it. All she wanted to do was die, but there were times where she did feel hopeful, however few and far between they were. Dis was always there to make her breathe again and live, no matter how much she wanted to die, he always refused to give up on her. It irked her so but it was also the one thing that she had come to rely on and to know.

Blake never blamed Dis for anything, even when they fought before or when she was trying so desperately to die and kill herself and he always stopped her. She knew that he had Era and needed the tiny boy, so she was happy to stay out of the way and forgotten, or so she thought. Era needed Dis just as much and she was more than happy to just sit in the background, like a wallflower and pretend she didn’t exist or that she didn’t have anyone.

The discordant notes jarred her as well, but she didn’t show it, instead just sitting there and finally turning to look at him, mustering up some semblance of a smile. Her voice was so broken and hoarse; she hadn’t used it in a long time that it must have hurt to hear the words leave her throat. A tiny hand reached over to the boy, quickly followed by the rest of her body as she gave him a hug. She was bony and small, like a porcelain doll it was obvious she hadn’t eaten properly in a long time.

The tiny girl just sat there quietly, before finally and tentatively rubbing his back in smooth circles. “I don’t blame you for anything, Dis. I never did. You shouldn’t feel bad about me or whatever happens to me, I’m my own person. You found those you need and they need you too,” she said softly, mustering up what appeared to be a faint smile.